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Saturday, 30 October 2010

Short Fuse

I have often been told that I am in possession of a very short fuse. My answer? "Hey, I'm five foot tall, everything about me is short". Joking aside (yes, it was a joke) I guess I have to agree that I am a volatile person, someone said I was volcanic, but I prefer to be thought of as a spitfire....quick to verbally fight back. I don't bear grudges and I don't sulk.Oh, and usually, once my fire has been spat? I instantly regret it. That stupid little voice in my head tells me that "I shouldn't have said that" which is fine, but why didn't the stupid little voice pipe up a second earlier and say "please don't say that"? Be a lot less trouble all round! Before you say it, I'm already, I can't think before I speak, my mouth is hot-wired to my emotions!

The point of all this?
Well, apart from the instant regret bit, I could easily have been writing about Daisy. She is fiesty, stroppy and spits fire jus' like her momma! People say "oh, well, she's a redhead", not sure what I am meant to do with that nugget! Redheads are genetically programmed to be mouthy? So if she was blonde it would be different? Oh, no hang on....I'm more blonde than red, and I'm as mouthy as hell! it nature? Or nurture? Thinking about myself again, I see women in my family (particularly from the paternal side) who are strong and fiesty and stand up for themselves. That's nature. I have inherited this...have I passed it on to the next generation?

But, regrettably, Daisy has witnessed me spitting fire at various people in the last 8 years, so has she learned that it's the way to go? Have I nurtured this in her?

This could be problematic. Daisy has the ASD-ism of saying whatever she wants. She lacks the ability to understand that telling someone they are fat probably isn't a terribly good idea. She sees it: she says it. She means no malice, she just doesn't see that she shouldn't say it. Add that to the short fuse, and we have the potential for disaster! She doesn't have the stupid little voice to hold her back. She doesn't have the social skills to know that sometimes things should just be said inside our heads.  I am fully aware that some things are best left unsaid, but when I'm spitting fire? It's every man for himself, as several readers of this blog know only too well!

So how do I impart this rather important skill to Daisy? Must I try and change me to accommodate ASD? I am not sure I can do that. I'm not sure I can fight nature. I'm not sure I want to. Social stories are an answer, but not THE answer. Maybe, I should step back and see what happens?  There is nothing wrong with being a strong personality, although nobody wants over-bearing!

I think it is a question of watch this space.

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