Well, yet again the sun has made it over the hoirzon and I have been awake to see it.
It was nice, don't misunderstand me and I always feel mildly relieved that it has actually put the effort in to appear, but we are fast becoming best friends which is not something that I had intended. I don't mind waking up with the sun....sleeping in bed and having the sun play on the wall and the duvet or something....but this way it looks like I'm waiting for it.....like a parent waiting for an errant child to return home from a night out...."and what time do you call this? I've been waiting up all night for you! The Moon and I were getting worried, you could have called"....you get the idea.
The reason for this new and exciting relationship with the sun is my new-found insomnia. Another new best friend that I didn't realise I had room for in my life. It's true what they say....you can never have too many friends, but not all of them are the right kind of friends. Insomnia for a start is not good for me, we stay up all night and party, but it's all so one-sided, if we don't do it the insomniac way then we don't do it at all. I want to sleep, I need to sleep but I am nagged into wakefulness by insomnia whispering in my ear and sending random thoughts round and round in my head until beautiful, wonderful sleep evades me. Again.
So, while I wander round the house nattering on the phone to fellow sleep-pattern-disturbed individuals I set myself to wondering how long I can continue to function in my current condition. I am seriously sleep-deprived. What is the first thing to be affected? Does my body try to compensate for the much needed sleep in some other way? Am I dangerous?
To be honest, the first thing I notice is that, oddly, I am hyper-active am I running on adrenaline? Well, I can't be...I take adrenaline-suppressing drugs as I react adversely to my own adrenaline. It's bit like being drunk, only alcohol-free.A cheap date, you might say! I have a tendency to ramble incoherently, although people who know me well, tell me I do that anyway, so maybe I am just more aware of it now. My nicotine intake has dramatically increased, maybe because there are more hours in my day or maybe because I am using it to keep on going.
But, by far the strangest thing for me, is that I am much less "stressy", I don't snap at Daisy and the cat over daft little things and I hear myself being much more tolerant of things I would usually get all over-heated about.
Daisy tells me that she likes this relaxed Mummy, I'm more fun and she can get away with stuff that a well-slept me would revolt over.
So it seems that I will continue, albeit unwillingly, with my programme of some weird kind of top secret military training where guys have been awake since the Second World War and spend a lot of time out-staring farmyard livestock. It seems to be good for me and therefore Daisy too, although in a bad way!
Different. But Equal
2 months ago