Today was meant to be a day of beginnings.....a day that might just have meant that Daisy and I would start to get the help that we both need.
It didn't quite turn out like that.
I guess life never does, does it?
Just when you think that it's all going swimmingly suddenly there's a triangular shape approaching...and it aint a jolly prankster in a wet suit with a fakey fin strapped to his back.....
So....today was meant to be the day when 2 social workers were due to visit. 2.30pm to be precise. That was the arrangement made between me and them. Not the result of a malicious anonymous call but the result of 2 interviews with CAMHS at my instigation as I will now fairly freely admit that we need help with some of Daisy's more.......interesting and painful behaviours.
I admit to being very apprehensive about the meeting....previous writings have explained this, but I sought advice as to how to handle the meeting and felt that after 4 hours sleep that I was as ready as I was ever going to be.
2.30pm loomed....2.31.....2.32......2.33.....skip to 2.37 when my mobile phone beeps....it's a message from one of the social workers telling me that she is outside my house, knocking on the door but I am not home.
Well, you see the thing is Your Honour.....I WAS at home. I was standing in my kitchen at the window watching my bloke walk off up the path at 2.30.....my kitchen window is next to the front door. It is impossible NOT to see anyone coming. Yes, I know what you're thinking....I was distracted by the sight of aforementioned bloke and, yes, I agree that watching bloke is infinately preferable to waiting for social workers BUT they would have had to cross my line of vision. They didn't. I have no idea where they went....but they never came here. Nor did I receive any contact from them after the message was left.
Is this what you get when you ask for help? I am beginning to suspect that abusing my child is much more a meatier thing for them to handle than me asking for their help. Let's face it, they couldn't have got here any quicker last time. This time, they couldn't even find their way.....
Well, sorry, but abuse is out of the question...although ironically it's the abuse that I receive that is a major part of asking for the help in the first place. Funny? I almost smiled. But not quite.
So.....yet again I feel left high and dry. Not abandoned.....not quite. Not yet.