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Tuesday, 15 February 2011

Around We Go Again.

Daisy and I appear to have inadvertently and most unwillingly joined the Social Services Carousel.

Yes, we have another visit from a Social Worker tomorrow.

Yes, not my fault again.

Yes, they have been informed that Daisy is at risk.

Is this sounding familiar?

Yes. Me too.

This time though, it isn't due to a craven act of spitefulness (that IS a real word, right?)
It's due to an Act of Supreme Stupidity and a chain of events that I could neither predict nor control.

The fault lies NOT with me, but with 2 supposedly grown men who should know better, and My Lady Alcohol who had a very intense effect of one of the aforementioned grown men, hereafter referred to as Dick 1 and Dick 2.

Had I been able to predict that Dick 1 would call Dick 2 and that Dick 2 would antagonise Dick 1 and spin him a yarn of pure unaldulterated fabrication, I would have been able to intervene.

Had I been able to intervene, then I would have been spared the inconvenience of having a wrecked kitchen and the frankly tiresome chore of having to clean up broken china, plants, glass etc etc etc

Had I been spared the annoyance of having my kitchen broken, I would never have needed to call the police.

Had I known how my day was going to pan out, I would probably have just stayed under the duvet.

Oh, to be able to predict the future......

So, because I called the police, I am now subject to another investigation into whether Daisy is at risk.

Was Daisy scared? 
Not especially, no. Because I made it so that she wasn't.
Was Daisy worried about the police?
No. She WAS a bit worried that they didn't want the jaffa cakes she was offering on a plate though. She thought they must be hungry.
Was I concerned about our safety?
I did call the police......just in case. Pissed-up people do the strangest things.

So, the police came and removed Dick 1 from my house. NOT arrested. Removed. I answered all their questions and was completely calm throughout the whole incident. I was not injured and neither was Daisy. I never felt that Daisy was at risk at any stage. Me, possibly, but not Daisy.

Yes, it's right that Daisy should be safe in her own home. We all should. But it's me going through the mill again, not Dick 2 and most certainly NOT Dick 1. Yet it isn't my doing. But I have to be subjected to yet another investigation while the instigators dance around the countryside with no thought or concern for the consequences of their actions. How is this right?

I couldn't know what Dick 1 was going to do.
I had no idea that Dick 2 would do as he did.

I would never, could never put Daisy in a situation like that. But I didn't make it or cause it. I just have to live with the fall out.

How is this fair?

I'm not wallowing in self-pity, really I'm not, but I'm not sleeping. I'm not eating. I'm angry and feel utterly betrayed by someone who is supposed to care about me. Makes you wonder how he treats people he doesn't have feelings for...

Both Dick 1 and Dick 2 have apologised. Big deal. That makes it OK then.

All back to normal.

Well, actually, no.

This is not my normal. it will never be my normal.

Stressed, depressed, betrayed, gut-wrenchingly hurt and so angry I could burst is not my normal.

I want.....reparation. Not revenge, but "sorry" doesn't even come close to sorting this out. Initially, I was calm and controlled and not forgiving, but much more understanding. As time passes, instead of letting it go, it is festering and can only get worse as there is no outlet for it. I can't take it out on Dick 1 and Dick 2 because they don't care. If they did, they would have offered their support for tomorrow. I may not have accepted, but they could have damn well offered. But no. They had their little tiff, my stuff gets broken, the police get called and it's all over for them. For me it's just the beginning. I have to pick up the pieces, quite literally, and prove my beautiful Daisy is safe with me.

I know, that tomorrow will be OK. I know it because the alternative is just too dreadful to contemplate....


  1. <3 I am here friend... what I don't understand is that there are REAL children in need. And you have social services on your door again? I would think that seeing that Daisy has food, a mother that loves her, a clean home should make the 'visit' a very quick one. In one way I am glad they are doing their job... in another? I hope they don't drag this out and make it into something it is not. *sigh*

    many hearts to you!!!

  2. Thank you sweetheart <3

    I want to run away, just leave this mess behind and begin again... rebuild mine and Daisy's lives/